• This is Slide 1 Title

    This is slide 1 description. Go to Edit HTML and replace these sentences with your own words. This is a Blogger template by Lasantha - PremiumBloggerTemplates.com...

  • This is Slide 2 Title

    This is slide 2 description. Go to Edit HTML and replace these sentences with your own words. This is a Blogger template by Lasantha - PremiumBloggerTemplates.com...

  • This is Slide 3 Title

    This is slide 3 description. Go to Edit HTML and replace these sentences with your own words. This is a Blogger template by Lasantha - PremiumBloggerTemplates.com...

Friday, 3 May 2019

The Bro Code



WE DO NOT JUST SHARE ROOMS, WE SHARE A LIFESTYLE. FROM CLOTHES TO OUR FAVOURITE METAL BANDS, WE SHARE IT ALL. WE STAY TOGETHER, WE EAT TOGETHER, WE STUDY TOGETHER (that’s a lie).
WE START A HABIT TOGETHER, WE FINISH A BOTTLE (Pepsi, duh)TOGETHER. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. WE LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER. WE LEAD OUR LIVES BY THE SACRED BRO-CODE. WE DON’T JUST EXIST, WE LIVE!
- Jitesh Kaul (ex-Brokesperson)

Before I brommence my palaver(again), let me give you a little bottoms-up* regarding the existence of a bro.

WHAT IS A BRO?
“A dude or a guy?”
NOPE. NADA. ZILCH.
According to global computer network providing a variety of information, consisting of interconnected networks using standardized communication protocol i.e. INTERNET (thanks, Chatur!); a bro is short for brother. That’s it. Really?
No, Sir! That. Is. Not. It.
When you are living apart from your family, in an unfamiliar place, with unknown people; you find a person to confide in. Your go-to person. That person is your bro. If lucky, even your roommate.
A bro-mate(heh) is like a family you cherish when you are at a distance from your other family. He is the one you go to when you get nostalgic, nay brostalgic.
He’s the one you can count on when you’re sick because you know he’s going to be there for you. It may sound romantic; but to-be-very honest, BROMANCE> ANY ROMANCE. In short, a bro is basically your lifelong companion, unless he has found another bro who is just better than you. Sigh!

A BRO CODE is basically a set of rules/articles governed by the bros that have lived before us, our brogenitors, for the bros that are going to live after us, our brogeny.

UNBROKEN RULES:

Rule 1: You do not talk about the Bro-Code
To all the bros out there in the broniverse, talking about or even mentioning the Bro-Code is a serious broffence. The bro-code is a mutual feeling based on the brolationship between the bros.
exceptions – no exceptions, damn it!

Rule 2: You do not talk about the Bro-Code.
Blame Brad Pitt for this. He ruined the second rule for all of us.

Rule 3: Never procrastinate in front of other bros.
Brocrastination is like an epidemic, it spreads faster than a buttered bullet. If a bro procrastinates about his preparation for an exam, the other bro should not fall for it. The latter bro should keep his cool and continue his hardwork (i.e. watch an entire season of Game of Thrones).

Rule 4: Never judge your bro.
A bro should never judge another bro on how much he eats or sleeps or how long can he go without showering. There are enough judgemental people in this world.

Rule 5: Parents Alert
A bro should help another bro tidy up the place on the broccasion of his parent’s visit without asking questions. A bro can accept free meal as a broward.(Ka-Ching!)
Bro-tip:
A house divided against itself cannot stand.
- ABROHAM LINCOLN

Rule 6: Knock before you enter
ALWAYS. KNOCK. BEFORE. YOU. ENTER!!! (enough said)

Rule 7: Always Split
If you want to maintain your brolationship, you have to split. Be it the electricity bill, water bill, Internet bill, pizza bill (especially the pizza bill), always split to avoid a bro-wl.

Rule 8: N A P S
Napping is a sacred act. You do not mess with the nap time.

Rule 9: Time is EVERYTHING
Time is of the essence, and if you are in college, TIME IS ATTENDANCE. So don’t hog the bathroom when you shower; save the singing for karaoke nights for fridays.

GOLDEN RULE: Their stuff is yours and vice versa.
There is no denying this rule. It is like an Unbreakable-BROw, you can not break it. Though, you can be snaky AF about it.















Anatomy of a shared room

" Shut off the alarm, Duuuuuuude!"

Having your best friend as your roommate is a bliss, right? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Before I start my discourse, let me give you a little heads-up anent the life of bachelors who share rooms.

WE DONOT JUST SHARE ROOMS, WE SHARE A LIFESTYLE. FROM CLOTHES TO OUR FAVOURITE METAL BANDS, WE SHARE IT ALL. WE LIVE TOGETHER, WE EAT TOGETHER, WE STUDY TOGETHER(that’s a lie).

WE START A HABIT TOGETHER, WE FINISH A BOTTLE TOGETHER. THAT’S WHAT WE DO. WE LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER. WE LIVE BY THE BRO-CODE. WE DON’T JUST EXIST, WE LIVE!

4th August, 2015

First day of my college, okay. I am at the door, screaming at the top of my lungs that I am leaving so close the door and comes a reply so monotonous that it sucked the excitement out of me, "DUDE, SWITCH OFF THE AC".

Sharing a room with someone you already know is great because you are already aware of the things that piss them off and they are familiar with yours. But sharing a room with someone you don't know is all together a different feeling.

I have shared a room with 4 people and I have shared a room with 6 people and I CHOSE TO RENT A ROOM ALL ALONE AFTER THAT *jokes*

Being a bachelor, it is hard for us to find people that are willing to let us rent their place. I apprehend it now. WE DO NOT MAINTAIN THE CLEANLINESS. I REPEAT, WE DO NOT MAINTAIN THE CLEANLINESS.













Condition of the room before our accommodation

Condition of the room after our accommodation



All this clutter you see in the second picture, it all happened because my roommate couldn’t find his PAN card. The room was already a mess, but he really outdid himself this time.

NOT-SO IMPORTANT FACT: A recent survey (conducted notionally by me) suggests that 10/10 bachelors have a hard time finding their stuff in a clean room.

Problems faced while sharing a room with someone who is in a relationship:

• They will call each other after midnight daily irrespective of your sleep.

• On some days if you are lucky enough, you will hear them fighting with each other and shouting explicitly while you try to sleep.

• The best part is when they tell you that they have ended their relationship with that person and you surmise that you are going to get that sleep, that peace you wanted, but NO!

They will patch things up that very night again after 12 am.

Ergo, I made my peace with the fact that this is a NEVER ENDING process. So, I KILLED HIM.

TYPES OF ROOMMATES

1. The one who decorates the wall with posters and lightings.

2. The one who does all the work and is still under-appreciated.

3. The one who teaches everybody regardless of his stream.

4. The die-hard follower of BOB-MARLEY.

NOTE:  when you’re sharing a room with more than two people, the room is set depending upon the dynamics between the others. The beds can either be put right next to each other or farther than the room itself.

Another aspect of anatomy is that some people like to decorate their rooms and some don’t (ME). To be honest, I don’t understand this concept of decorating. I mean, girls do this because they are known for their fastidiousness and consistency but my roommate used to do it and one day I catechized,” Why?” AND TRUST ME THIS IS THE DUMBEST REPLY I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.

“Bro, my girlfriend does it!”

I KILLED HIM AGAIN!

When you’re living in a shared environment, then there’s no such thing as MY FOOD. No matter how relentless you be; they won’t pay no heed.

I remember this one time when I left a note on the refrigerator saying, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. STOP EATING MY EGGS” and I left for college and when I came back, there was this another little note just below the one I had left, phrasing,” THAT IS JUST WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS, BRO” and one more little note just beside it saying,” SORRY FOR THEM EGGS”

The word roommate should be revised upon. It’s more like room-hate; similar pronunciation, though. I’ll appreciate the fact that this was a good pun. I mean what else would you expect from a PUN-DIT.

But keeping everything aside, a roommate is like a family you cherish when you are away from your home. He is the one you go to when you get nostalgic. He’s the one you can count on when you’re sick because you know he’s going to be there for you. Now that I read it, it kind of sounds romantic; but BROMANCE> ANY ROMANCE.

Now that I make fun of that imbecile, I miss those days with him. More than him, I miss his stupid alarm ringtone because it used to aghast me to my very core. For three years we were roommates and there was not one single day where I didn’t beg him to SHUT OFF THAT ALARM!!!!!!!!!!!